Gas Station HaikuGenre: Video Haiku
Rules: Make a haiku that takes place at a gas station! A video haiku is a 3 shot film. 1st shot is 5 sec, next is 7 sec, last 5 sec. Examples: http://bit.ly/s34Fmc
"Sirent Rizard, you broke my reg!" Best line in the piece.
What I liked: Your pacing, editing, and choice of shots were super! The music was fantastic! The actors have a great presence on camera and while a bit young for the parts, played them convincingly. I like that we don't know what's in the suitcase or how the runner survived that drop. You leave something for the audience to ponder.
What I thought could improve: The tech guy in the bedroom. At first it confused me.
Thanks! I'm glad we've seemed to pull off the acting despite our ages - as for the drop there was no camera trickery on that last shot, I just landed on the sand and ran. We had some other shots where we see the character landing but I thought if I cut them in it loses the same impact as having the reveal of that one long final shot. I geuss the way we shot it made the drop look higher than it was - it was only about 11ft I think.
Just a great little film. Love the score with it. Good stunt on the skateboard fall! Great angle on the guy laying by the tracks. Kudos to the little boy. Not bad for someone so young, and the final scene is great.
Blooper- ehhh, that library isn't that way! ha!
Hey there! Thanks very much, I'm glad you liked it. The skateboard thing was actually a pain to get, but it turned out.
A tale of lost hopes and broken dreams. Art films always run the risk of not being understood but you're brave to try it. Some nice angles in your shots.
I liked best his paranoia when a pickup truck drives past. A suggestion might be to have created the set to reflect having gone through a massive quake...like the TV on it's side or something. That's just monday morning directing there.
Cute guy meets cute girl and love conquers all! Nice story. The "stay out of the way" scene seemed a tad weak, but overall this was a good little film.
Thanks so much! I appreciate the feedback!
So...that's Maggie Simpson all grown up, eh? Liked one of the later right crosses with reaction.
Animation is so tough! Inanimate cardboard box man rules!
Have you considered multi tracking with arms and legs on separate tracks? If you don't have multi track capabilites in your editing program, I encourage you to also take a peek on youtube at a channel called "Offplanetfilms". He does a lot of animation in REAL time. I think he might inspire you.
I really liked the glimpses and implied violence...under the car, the skull cracking off camera. The music was chilling. A kind of a let down ending.
Thanks! Thats not the original way it was supposed to end, somehow the last minute of footage I had got corrupted? It was so irritating!!
Ok, I'm tired after watching this. You wore me out! We went everywhere...pharmacy, swimming pool. I didn't get what was causing them to jump and now I'm too tired to worry about it!
Thats a shame, this was not intended to bore or tire the viewer. Exact opposite actually, we wanted to do a ridiculous comedy action mix (obviously) :) The opening shot would have told you all about the 'teleporting,' but it is subtle i know. Well not for you this time but thanks for the review anyway.
Hi Yellowtractor! Hmmmmm So you're tired?
Thanks for the review? Much appreciated :)
Unique concept. A silent lawyer. Obviously a "fantasy" piece! ha! Your use of high and low angle between judge and the lawyers was good but the set needed a bit more dressing. An older judge would have looked better I think.
Nice contrast jumping between the music beds. A shame it was copyrighted. Kudos to the guy who did the fall in the street. OW!
Thanks for the feedback! Oh, the fall stopped hurting after the 2nd take :P
What a twisted friend! While I think we over use guns in the fights, this sequence was very realistic, especially the secondary shots, reaction and effects. Sam Peckinpah would be proud.
Thank you Yellowtractor for the comment!! it means alot and yes i must stay a distance from guns sometimes XD thank you!!
A good set up, tragic. Good writiing and acting with the father/ son relationship. I would have ditched the wig "father" wore to be the doctor and would have disguised him with a surgical mask instead. The wig was comedic and distracting.
Thankyou for all your comliments but we don't have a surgical mask so the wig was the only way to go.
I enjoyed the film trailer parody. Fly guts....ewwwww! I don't even want to know what you used! This was silly and fun.
Man....had he not spoke! Ooops! Great sfx to tell what he did and get around the obvious problem there!
Great music! I think it would have been stronger to cut the going to person to person near the end, esp. when it's the same guy. You used costume to help, but I was on to that right away. Nice concept.
This is what I imagine being paranoid and on LSD would be like....and I mean that in a good way!
Alright, lady, pull it over there. You have a mess of people with no seat belts on and several standing in the back of the truck. License and registration please! ha!
This started out great, but the outside walk was just too long. Foley is so hard sometimes. Actually recording some fists in grass might have worked better. Still, we both thought " Dog Picture!" Arf Arf!
Some interesting camera effects I liked in here like the girl going from the road to the hill. A lot of effort on this one....costumes, props, special effects.
I liked the music bed on this one.
A darker room would have looked more like a bar and less like a dining room. Annoying boy should have a glass, not a plastic glass, and if he is to drink, then he should really drink. Kudos to glasses man...the drink order looked casual and natural. I would have finished with glasses man putting a right hook on Annoying boy and then continue to drink his drink cooly. Hindsight is always 20-20 though!
Copyrighted music. It really hurt this piece. Loved the bullies...they could have been a bit meaner, but had that pack mentality. Nice ad-libs.
Yeah, we didn't have time to write a good script so we just let our actors go. Don't really know how I could of made them any meaner....they were kinda mean already, Thanks for watching.
Copyright music hurt you. It's obvious that's a closet! Still a unique concept and playing both roles worked! He'd raise some cain, if he were able...yuk, yuk, yuk.
No doubt we'll see more phone movies in the future. The do allow for unusal angles and camera moves by virtue of their size and weight. They are also good for getting that covert footage such as hospital interiors, right? heh heh.
So...now the football coach is going to operate? Yikes!
I found the narrow frames unique, but it was almost as if watching this through a keyhole. A pioneer!
the narrow frame happened cause i filmed it right side up when in the hospital hallway i filmed it sideways which gave it widescreen which i did not knw untill then. and thanks for the review!
The Spanish speaking Swedish woman must be the granddaughter of Mrs. Olson, who sold Columbian coffee for years on TV! Loved the crouched in the ceiling shot.
A unique concept and it took some time to write this and dig up all the tunes you'd need. It's a shame it's all copyrighted material. It was still a good idea.
You made a good choice to shoot this in B&W. There is a place where the mime is talking and someone moves behind camera and creates this great shadow effect on his face. Keep that noir effect in your mind in the future.
The shadow effect was an on the fly (hmm this might look cool kind of thing). Thanks for the input, and I'm glad you enjoyed the film.
Ooopsy, yep I saw the cameraman in the mirror! When shooting in real time with the auto focus on, you're going to experience in and out of focus shots as the camera constantly tries to correct itself. A good effort. Keep making movies!
A good set up for a muted character! The librarian from hell! Ooops, she's at the start of the book, she's near the end of the book...now she's back near the front again.
Man, all it needed was a finish! Great idea. I liked the guy knocking the clipboard out of his hand...sneaky!
Thanks, I was really trying to drive the point that he would do anything to get him to talk. As for the Ending, it's my mistake. There is an end, I just didn't realize the last 2 seconds were cut off until AFTER I submitted.
Thanks again for the review!
The Director's cut (4 1/2 min) is up on my up on my YouTube account if anyone would like to see the complete story: http://www.youtube.com/user/DeadholeProductions
by Noreaster Films
by Noreaster Films
Revenge is a dish best served cold.4,332 views6 reviews21 votes